would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
