also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
