I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
