DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
