You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
