dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
