If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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