If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
