I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
