I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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