tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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