Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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