I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
he fucked my hip out of place.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
