I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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