so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
