She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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