the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
