it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
