i permit you to call me
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
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He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
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Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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