So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
