R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
