I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
