What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
accomplished twins. life is a go
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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