Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
