May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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