I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
