you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
