dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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