I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
