I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
