How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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