Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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