Got a toothbrush?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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