I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize