We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize
