no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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