just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
