I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
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