just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
