dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize