you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
