when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize