and she was petting her beer can
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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