Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Green mimosas i think yes
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
