Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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