i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He did a backflip because drugs
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
