You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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