In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
