maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
