Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
