the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
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My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
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We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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