I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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