so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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