it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
