haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
