Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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