She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
