party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize