True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
