On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
my sisters under your porch take her home
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
