I'd wear matching sweaters with you
she was so not down for the gang bang
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
