Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
