Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
