I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
