Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
me + whiskey = a bad person
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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