I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
