There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
